Thursday, October 7, 2010

Married in todays terms A LONG TIME

 If you're married and have been for over 5 years you have most likely had a few moments that made you want to walk away, give up, start over.  You have probably had many conversations with friends who told you not to put up with it, that your worth more than that, you listened and part of you agreed, but if you're like me something inside you just couldn't give up.  Perhaps I am slow or stubborn but I just couldn't walk away, and I'm glad I didn't.

My husband and I have been together for almost 9 years and for the most part we have had a good partnership.  As you can tell from above we have had our moments, there was a time that I felt betrayed, hurt beyond belief, anger, and so scared.  Through many hours of counselling, and scheduled date nights somehow we made it through the "dark" times.   The hardest part of the coming out of the dark times is the effect it leaves on the people around you.  The people you talk to, the people who become external influences in your marriage only hear about the good stuff and rarely about the amazing things that happen after.   Facing those people as a couple or as an individual is excruciating if your me.  Why do I have this incessant need to feel judged and then worry about it until it turns to debilitating anxiety?  On Tuesday I vowed to let it go. Be free of the anxiety, the worry, move past it.  Just simply.. Let it go.  Take responsibility for my actions, for our actions, state that it happened.. I can not change that..but I can continue my life happy, free and full of love.

Part of letting go came because I had a want and a need to feel in love again.  After reading an article recently on a blog that was quoting an article from the New York times I became energized at the thought that that "in love" feeling is with in my reach and my control. If you click on New York Times it will take you to the article, it is a good read and some great ideas on how to re-connect. If you are in a relationship that is 2 days or 50 years I think everyone can learn from it,  I personally found it fascinating.

Through this article and my secret addiction for the bachelor I decided it was time to set up a new way to date as married folks.  Creating "Secret Dates".
How would this work?  Each couple (Or single.. they would be set up on blind date) puts there name in a hat and one by one we all draw a couples name.  You would be responsible for setting up the couple you drew a fantastic date night.  You would babysit their kids, plan and organize their date (to be under $75 to keep it real).
For example:  Darren and I draw Ashley and Brad's name
We would plan some kind of fun adventure/date for Ashley and Brad, they would pay for their date but would not expect to spend more than $75 that evening (unless they choose to).  We would show up with a "Date card" that gave them their first destination and either Darren or I would babysit their kids that evening. 

Everyone I have mentioned this secret date to seems excited about the idea.  I do wonder.. is it the thrill of organizing for someone else, the idea of having a date,  perhaps the free babysitter, or is it the thrill of it all? Will it be like a cookie exchange, you know.. some will put in effort and some will not?  Not sure and it doesn't matter, what matters is we are trying to keep it fresh, keep it real, and live life with adventure, love and a dose of creativity. 




  1. You are full of wonderful ideas! Can't wait to hear more about it!

  2. This is a wonderful post! The idea behind it is amazing!! You are also right about marriage being hard work. Like most tings in life the hard work fortunately is very rewarding!