I used to relish the days on the road. Just me on my way, map in my hand, hotel rooms booked, visiting my stores. A chance to get a mini vacation yet I was still technically working. A break from picking up toys, washing and folding clothes, dishes, making meals...well you get the picture I'm sure.
Lately this has changed, the night before I am consumed with worry. What if something happens, to Me? Or God forbid to Mekaella? I can't sleep, my mind races, maybe I should not go? What if I don't listen to this voice and I should have. I know I have to work and I have to trust that we are always taken care of but sometimes that is hard...
As I stand in her room watching her sleep in the morning before I leave. She is pure perfection, that was the first thing I said when I saw her "She's Perfect", and I still think that (most days). I once could never imagine my life with children and now I could never imagine my life without her. Funny how these little beings come into your world and take over. Your world that consisted of your own "Important" wants and needs....humm what will I wear today?....hummm where are we going Friday night?...hummm should I do two cardio sessions today?
Then you meet your baby and all that changes forever, PJ's to Walmart are new fashion choice, hair thrown in the bun (lucky to be washed) is the new look, mascara IF you are lucky becomes all your make up, exercise is taken over by no sleep and breast feeding and don't even get me started on getting your hair highlighted cause that becomes a thing in the past at least for awhile.
These were all things I never considered losing when I had Mekaella, but one that has remained is the terrifying thought of losing this little person that means the world to me. I don't think that will ever go away, I guess that is the patch I wear on my heart "Mom". I just have to have faith and trust that we will be taken care of.
Thank you Universe for blessing me with her...Please keep us safe while we are apart...